Two Post Tuesday: Pre-Prego Body, Here I come!

I "borrowed" this idea from a friend who also blogs (Thanks, Allison!).  She has done a couple of Two-Post-Tuesdays.  Some thoughts just need to be separated and this one most definitely did not belong in my soppy-snuggles post.

Let's start by talking self image.  What a scary thing, right?  Who doesn't struggle with it?  If you don't, please, tell me your secret.  You are either a robot and have no feelings or you are totally and completely in to yourself (Kim Kardashian, is that you!?!  Too much too soon??  Oh well. LOL).  Self image and self esteem is something I've always wrestled with.  I don't think I ever truly liked my body until I was 23-24.  I lost 30 lbs and toned up.  I wasn't perfect and still wanted to continue to create my "perfect" body, but I did enjoy my new look, my new wardrobe, and the new sexy side of myself I was beginning to discover.  Ryan played a huge role in this.  We both worked out, ate great, and enjoyed both together.  The key to losing weight and feeling great is having someone to do it with!  I was my "smallest" around the time of my wedding (aren't we all!?!).  Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.  Two years later, two pregnancies later, two c-sections later my body is NOT what it used to be.  In fact, it is VERY FAR FROM IT!

Post-pregnancy body.  The jiggly tummy MUST GO!  The stretch marks I can live with.  I was discouraged by them during my pregnancy, but after having suffered the loss of a full term pregnancy and the loss of my son, resulting in not a single stretch marks since I was only 25 weeks along, these stretch marks I have (there are quite a few) are like nature's tattoo on my body.  I have successfully carried a near-full term baby and I have the most beautiful little girl asleep in my arms right now as I type this.  These stretch marks are a symbol of her home and growth for those 8-9 months.  They are a testament to a trying-not-always-blissful-but-a-complete-blessing time in mine and Ryan's life.  The tummy though -- ick.  I cannot STAND to look in the mirror and see it.  Nothing fits right.  Nothing.  Most people look at me and tell me how incredibly good I look "for just having a baby."  I guess to most women that's a compliment, but to me, it's just a "reason", it doesn't make me feel better about how I look!  Let's not forget the thunder thighs and bodonkadonk either.

Past, Present, Future:  My pre-pregnancy weight was 140-142.  The day before I had Emma the scale read 175 (holy moly, I haven't seen that number since 2009).  Currently, I weigh 155.  I lost 20 lbs post partum, and most within the first 2 weeks.  I have since fluctuated 2-3 lbs but haven't gone below 154.6.  MY GOAL:  140 lbs  (136 lbs would be wonderful -- wedding size!).  However, weighing 140 lbs alone is not enough.  I want to tone up.  I could live with weighing a little more..I cannot live with the current body I have, and sometimes toning up is what's really needed.  So my goal is two-fold.

Just Do It:  I've tried to get some sort of cardio 2-3 times a week for the last 3 weeks.  I've been slacking - some days from exhaustion, some days because Emma won't allow it, some day "just because".  Ryan swears he sees a difference from the little that I am doing.  Last week was more "successful" towards the beginning.  I was able to get a jog, a fast walk, and a few cross-training workouts in.  I do feel a little bit stronger each time I work out.  I'm discouraged after my jogs because of my meager 2 miles in 30 minutes (it's half jogging half walking), but it's a start.  I would love to be able to run a 5k (3.1 miles) and I think Ryan and I are going to work towards possibly a 1/2 marathon for February 2013.  Scheduling is the hard part for me, but I'm working out the kinks.   For now, my broad goal is to maintain healthy eating habits with low calorie, high nutrient foods; keep my water intake up; and keep 2-3 days of cardio with cross-training exercises in between.

Weight loss and toning is always hard.  The results are slow going.  I have 15 lbs (the last 10 are always the hardest).  Breastfeeding keeps my weight loss intensity low because I don't want to affect my milk supply.  It's hard not to beat myself up after having reached a point of (mostly) satisfaction.  Another part of motherhood is accepting that my body is no longer just mine and that my body will never be the "old body".  I must work towards a new, different body, a body that I can be happy with now.

Here goes nothing!  Stay tuned....Fingers cross I have a Happy Report for next week :)

Inspiration:

Wedding Shower 2010 at my thinnest - 136 (I'm on the right)