Trial Thursday

Trial Run - Day 1

My mother-in-law just sent this picture to me.  Em seems quite content in her pack and play next to the window.  She's a lover of sunlight...and she's so darn cute.

Today is the first "trial run" for when I go back to work.  It wasn't strict nor was it really down to the time frame that I need to get ready for work, but it's a start!  I prepared her bottles last night, her diaper bag, her play mat, and even Ryan's lunch.  This morning I nursed her just before it was time for her and Ryan to leave.   The plan for today is for Ryan to experiencing taking her over to his parent's house by himself and for his mum to experience her morning schedule (which is very different from her afternoon's and that's the only times Emma has been away from me so far).  I guess I should also admit that this is a trial run for me...emotionally.  No tears (yet), but that is most likely because I know that I will get to see her (and nurse her!) in 45 minutes.  Emma will only spend 3 - 4 hours with Nana most days since Ryan usually works half days.  She'll be spending most of her afternoons with daddy.

I've discovered that the "alone time" a mother craves is only enjoyable for a short period of time.  The ache of missing a huge piece of yourself sets in rather quickly.  I miss my pukey, poopy, squirmy munchkin butt.  She's a handful -- all children are.  My schedule, my body, my life has been 110% altered and now becomes putty in her tiny balled up fists.  I wouldn't trade it for the world though.  All of those things I used to fill my time with just don't matter.  I would love to scrapbook and read again...but not at the expense of not seeing and being near my daughter.  I will save those things I love for her nap times.  The first few weeks were incredibly hard to adjust to.  In fact, the entire pregnancy was hard to adjust to.  I wouldn't change a thing.

On a less sappy, more positive note, I have used my alone (aka FREE) time to blog -- one of my love affairs that has had to fall to the way side quite a bit (Sorry, readers!).  I've also been able to read some of my fellow bloggers posts, go for a jog (without a jogging stroller), sip my coffee (while it's still HOT!), take a shower (without worry about when the baby is going to cry and I have to get out only half shampooed), and sit around the house in nothing but my underwear!!! (TMI, I know.  I'm sorry, daddy, if you're reading this.  LOL.  But it's the truth!).

Gah, I miss that little girl.  I am glad that we are taking this step.  I have 2 weeks before I return to work.  I'm dreading it...but if I have to do it (yes, I HAVE to do it), then I'd rather be prepared.  We'll do another trial run next week.  The days in between will be transition days; setting more of a bed time and waking routine, transitioning Em to her nursery (I am so not ready for this!), and allowing Ryan more "hands on" by himself so that he too is prepared for my daytime absence.

Time is moving too quickly, as always.  I spent most of my pregnancy waiting and wishing she was here already (healthy and full term of course).  Now I spend my days wishing time would stand still; that each cuddle would last a little longer; that her smiles would never vanish; that her big beautiful blue eyes would always stay that happy, spunky blue.

A year ago, if you would have asked, I would have never imagined I could know, experience, and have so much joy and happiness in my life again.  Logan made me a mother...Emma has made me a mommy.  Both my babies bring me so much joy in their own special ways.

Look at the time!!!  Blogging has passed even more time.  <3  Only 30 more minutes until I get to see my two loves.  Ryan and Emma will be waiting for lunch.  SO EXCITED!!! :)