Some days I don't know who is leading and who is following. Parenting at its finest. I imagine (or at least hope) every parent feels this way. It's a power struggle between a toddler's will and a parents right, or does the toddler have the right and the parent the will? My point precisely. This has been a week full of melt downs (both mommy and toddler), frustration, lost tempers, reconciliation, lots of "I'm sorry's", and "will you forgive me?" (That one is mainly me). I've felt like a failure as a mother, tired, counting down the moments until bedtime wondering if every night will be a battle of the wills and I'll always be losing to my pint sized blonde, curly headed daughter. And so each day I go to bed hoping I'm leading her, guiding her, teaching her to be beautiful, strong, moral, kind, wholesome inside and out. I wonder if I'm doing right by her and if she'll actually follow me.
Bed time came. The first night in a week she didn't fight me or make me use empty threats to con her into staying in bed. The first night I didn't feel the need for a glass of wine after finally finishing our goodnight rumble. But she was missing her "little baby" so sleep would still not come for her until she was found. She had taken "little baby" on a field trip with us to the Fall Festival, and "little baby" had been forgotten in the car after our evening adventures. I retrieved her and placed her back into my daughters tiny hands. A huge smile spreads across Emma's face and she asked me to lay down with her in her bed. As I stroked her hair, finishing our bedtime routine and loving exchanges, Em's blue eyes sparkled from the nightlight. Her sweet voice whispered "Thank you for getting my little baby from the car, mommy...*pause* Thank you for laying down with me, mommy". A sweet smile and a gentle kiss on my cheek and she was snuggled back into her pillow, little baby curled in her hand against her body.
My heart swelled. And broke. And mended all at once.
My child. My two year old. My daughter gave thanks, showed genuine heartfelt appreciation for the smallest tasks I did for her...without prompt. And yet, I struggle to name 1,000. I forget to name the few or the many each day.
Out of the mouth of babes....
I may not always know who is leading or who is following in this parent-child thing, but tonight, I wanted nothing more than to be the follower. I want to follow my daughter's lead and be thankful for the little tasks, the little blessings, the simple loving gestures that are all around me. Tonight I was the child and she was the parent, even if she never knows it.
My one thousand gift...
10. My daughters thankful heart and sweet voice she shared it with.
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