Simply, A "Good" Night

My posts of late are 1 of 2 things - an emotional upheaval or letters to Emma documenting her growth.  I rarely talk about my day to day life, or *gasp* my husband.  He gets a mention here or there, but the focus has definitely not been on him.  On one hand, I like to keep the private parts private, and most of those entail Ryan.  On the other hand, he deserves the focus now and then, after all, we are in this together - for better or worse.

Last night was what I would simply call a "good" night.  You know, one of those nights that is so insignificant to most, nothing spectacular happened, nothing exciting.  It was what it was.  After I picked Emma up from my mother-in-laws, we headed home for dinner.  Thank goodness I had take the 5 minutes that morning to throw something together, otherwise we would have been eating cereal because neither Ryan nor I had the energy to cook anything.  Emma is usually cranky by this point.  She sleep less these days and sticks to a pretty tight bedtime schedule (which she created herself).  It's usually all we can do to buy 5 minutes of family time before she's done, ready for bath, and begging to be nursed to sleep.  Last night was different.  I prepared a plate of Italian chicken and veggies over noodles and placed it before her.  She dived right in, double fisted.  It didn't take long for it to cover her face, chubby cheeks, hands, legs, you name it.  She was in food heaven.  That girl LOVES to eat, and she loves spaghetti sauce.  She was so silent, in that content kind of way.  Ryan and I were able to exchange blurbs about our day while we ate and marveled at our daughter.  After dinner we stuck to Emma's normal routine - straight to the bath.  That girl knows how to eat and enjoy it!  She is usually covered head to toe in whatever we give her.  While giving her a bath I sang to her our usual songs.  She still had that same content silence, splashing here and there, playing and chewing on her rubber ducky, looking at me and back to the water, but never making a peep.  Most of the time (99% of the time) she reminds me of her daddy, but last night I saw a glimpse of me in her.  Since she didn't fuss after her bath I decided to let her play.  The later she goes to bed, the later she'll get up.  Sounds good to me!  My early to bed, early to rise girl has made this momma T.I.R.E.D.  I sat on the floor and played with her for a little while.  Once she showed signs of getting sleepy I attempted to take her to bed.  She still seemed restless and awake even though she had the classic "rubbing my eyes and yawning" signs.  I'm not one to force her to bed and refuse to cry-it-out just to make my life more convenient (Note: I am not judging anyone to uses that method, it just doesn't work for us at this time).  Instead we got back out of bed and I placed a blanket with some toys on the kitchen floor.  I figured if she wanted to play some more I could use this time to get her bottles ready for the next day.  I'll admit, I was secretly elated she wasn't ready for bed.  Usually I only get to see her for an hour from the time I pick her up after work to the time she goes to bed.  My time with her limited and I hate it.  I got an extra hour with her last night and it was good for my soul.  Once she was truly fussy and ready for bed she was easily put to sleep.  I soaked up every second of her and admired her innocence for a few minutes before sneaking out.

My good night didn't end there.  Ryan had already loaded the dishwasher while I had been giving Emma a bath, so there was only my lunch to be made a little cleaning up to do.  Ryan gets props.  I appreciate the little things like that.  It may only take 5-10 minutes to do, but to me, that 5-10 minutes is less time I have to relax.  After that there was nothing to be done but to relax on the couch.  Ryan came to sit with me at the kitchen table.  We started chatting.  From there, we moved to the couch.  We sat next to each other, cuddled, made physical contact - a hand on an arm, a head in a lap, the little things, and we just talked.  No TV.  No music.  No baby.  It was me and Ryan in the quiet of our home enjoying each others company and conversation.  It was perfect.  It was needed.  It was missed.  We rarely get to do that these days, and honestly, neither of us have really taken the time or the effort.  Last night we did.  Ryan even asked if we could lay down in the guest bedroom earlier than our usual bedtime just so we could cuddle "without a baby between us."  We both agree that Emma sleeping with us is the best for everyone.  I get sleep, he gets sleep, and most important Emma sleeps for 11.5 hours.  Her middle of the night feedings are short and sweet and she hardly ever fully wakes up.  We aren't ready to change our sleeping arrangements just yet.  This works for us.  But, it does take away from the flexibility of us as a couple being close to each other.  It was sweet for Ryan to suggest this other option.  We cuddled for another 30 minutes or so before finally deciding to head to our bed where our precious daughter was sleeping. 

Last night was much needed on so many levels.  As a mother, a wife, and a woman I have been drained.  I needed to spend time with my daugher and my husband separately to restore some life to my heart and soul.  I needed to feel them, breathe them in, and talk with them.  I know every night can't be like this, but the nights that are I will cherish and hold close to my heart.  Nights like this will get me through all the other nights.