This was taken for a photo challenge "Faceless Portrait." I was pregnant with our rainbow baby (Emma) 1.5 years after the loss of Logan. I wanted to capture the new dynamic of motherhood I was experiencing - the struggle between fear and excitement, the grieving heart holding tight to an ounce of hope. I will never again be able to experience pregnancy with the pure innocence and untainted joy I had with Logan. Standing in Emma's nursery, longing for reassurance, missing my son, and hoping this baby girl would come home with us. Almost 2 years after saying goodbye to Logan, I have found reasons to smile. I have found laughter. I have found joy and peace; but I will always be a grieving mother. Every smile will be laced with a hint of sadness. Every moment will be incomplete. I have found ways to live and love. I have expanded my mind and my heart to both darkness and light of great extremes. I will wear a smile on my face. I will look at my daughter and my husband and find unexplainable joy. My face can never show the inner struggle I carry from moment to moment; I think a faceless portrait shows that best.
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