Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding.
Unfortunately, we live in a society driven by comparisons and people with too many high-and-mighty opinions and not enough understanding and acceptance. A decision as big as this one (one that shouldn't seem so life altering) could potentially change your social realm. Should that matter?
Ryan is no longer hinting, but rather presenting a full blown case as to why we should switch to formula. Em has been having some terrible gas pains. Gas is always present with babies. Their digestive system is so immature and goes through changes daily. Em's gas has gotten to the point where she cries out, sometimes for an hour on end, almost on a daily basis. I've cut out dairy (most days), and that helped with the reflux, but the gas...poor girl is on Mylecon around the clock some days. Breaks my heart to hear her cry, and it quickly wears both Ryan and I down pretty thin. Now that I'm back to work, and pumping, she's getting bottles when she's with Nana or Ryan. She takes the bottle, but Em is a "snacker", sometimes eating little bits every 30 minutes, and a comfort nurser. Ryan is always saying "it's easy for you... you have the boob." I sense that Ryan's urge for the change isn't just for Em's tummy benefits. I think he feels a little left out, unable to help out as much, and also as if he's been thrown into a war zone -- unarmed. He's said on more than one occasion that he needed a fake boob to attach to himself.
I'm torn. I've yet to find a single brochure, blog, or write up that will tell you formula is good for your child compared to breast milk. Everything you read or hear is "breast milk has these health benefits....formula does not." "Breastfed babies develop better...are healthier...get sick less." Ironically, my child has been exclusively breastfed since birth and at 2 1/2 months she's had an ear infection paired with a cold and she battles an upset tummy daily. What's this of fewer sick days? I do believe there are "benefits" to breast milk. But does that mean that if she doesn't get those "benefits" for 6 months to a year that she will somehow be outed, jipped of a better life and a healthier life? I know plenty of people (babies to adults) that were formula fed. I see no real difference between those who were and those who were breastfed. Why, then, is there a not-so-undertone mother's guilt that is paired with every debate on the matter?
I'm not ready to give up breastfeeding, but not for the health benefits. I use that as an excuse, but not a genuine reason. I'm not ready to give up breastfeeding from an emotional point of view. At first breastfeeding was torturous and painful. I was ready to throw in the towel more than once in the first 6 weeks. Once we got past the newborn stage and got the hang of it, it became relaxing, enjoyable. I don't always enjoy it, it can be rather inconvenient; but there are those moments -- sideline nursing in bed, her cuddled close or rocking her to sleep as she eats at night -- when I can't imagine by child ever getting bigger and not nursing. Crazy. I know. She will grow up and we will have to wean one way or another, sooner rather than later. I'm not one of those moms who plans to breastfeed until she's 5 or even 2. Why is this so hard for me?
The last 2 years have been hell. We've had our good moments, our silver linings, but mostly they've been difficult, draining, trying years. It took all the hope, faith, courage, and tears we had to get Emma here safe and sound. Then there was breastfeeding, another bump in the road, but something I felt I could master, something I could "get right." I naively thought that after everything we had been through that surely this one thing could be easy. I could provide for my child in the most natural, intimate way possible. It's true. I could. I can! But at what expense? One month in and I had to cut out dairy. Not just basic dairy either...all dairy. Another test. One more thing to stress about.
I have a friend (an amazing friend, btw) who expressed the difference for her. She breastfed her first for a year while working full time and dealing with an often crying baby. For her second she made the decision to formula feed. Her decision was based on the fact that with the first she was incredibly stressed out between the baby and her schedule - both work and family. With the second she wanted to be less stressed and more relaxed. Formula feeding offered her this. It has proven to be beneficial to her mental and emotional health as well to her family over all. It worked for her. It has made her a happier mother. A happy mom is key, right?
Ah hah...that mother's guilt. It's always there, always nagging. Nothing is ever good enough. You question your every movement, every decision. You doubt yourself. It's not all about me though. It's about my family unit. It's about what's right for me, for Emma, and for Ryan. He's part of this too. Why does the "great debate" never bring up the father and how it affects him? Oh wait, it does. It says that the "father is happy he doesn't have to get up in the middle of the night" or it brings up the "cost of breastfeeding vs. formula." Low blows if you ask me. I have a wonderful husband who is a great father and truly wants to spend more quality time with his infant daughter. Most men wait until their child is walking, talking, and eating table food. My husband wants the opportunity to be involved now.
"I don't know one mother who doesn't feel guilty about the times she thinks she has failed her child. The key is to be able to acknowledge the feeling for what it is and to learn from it. When you let go of the guilt, you can actually be a better, more relaxed mother." (quote found here)
At the end of the day I want my whole family to be happy. I want Emma to feel better and to experience less pain. Could this come from formula feeding rather than breastfeeding? Maybe. Could I cut more out of my diet and still breastfeed and it work? Maybe. Regardless of what I do it has to be right for us -- I want to be a good mother, a happy mother -- not a stressed out, always have to get things right or else kind of mother.
Quality, not quantity, right?
"Children admire mothers who pursue a passion or commitment outside of parenting. It makes them proud and helps set them free to express their best selves, too. The older your children become, the more important it is to continually reclaim yourself. Getting lost in your children's lives serves no one. Model the self-care and independence you are trying to teach them. Mothers are people with needs, too. When we fulfill those needs, we become more fun and loving mothers—without the guilt." (quote found here)
This is the type of mother I want to be:
"Motherhood is an ongoing state of letting go—loosening the reins and surrendering. Your children will know that you will always do the best you can. Besides, isn't this a good lesson for them? Do the best you can and that will be enough."(quote found here)
Breastfeeding or Formula? What is right for us? What is right for Em?
I haven't a clue. We'll discuss it with her pediatrician. We'll try different things. And - if giving up breastfeeding all together is truly what makes us a healthier, happier family then I'll do it. It is our decision and our decision alone. It won't be easy. Tears will be shed. Letting go is never easy...Guess I better learn how to while she's young. I can imagine it never gets any easier.
This is all that matters:
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