What's in a NAME?

What's in a name?  Everything.  An identity.  Love.  Hope.  Finality.

We picked a name for Baby Girl.  We "chose" last night, but it was made "official" this morning over breakfast and just before I rushed out the door. {{ Yes, Baby Girl, your name was chosen as I was literally running out the door for work.  No special occassions, a talk over dinner, or a walk around the park.  I hope you like it!}}.  Now before you go getting your knickers in a wad, begging, waiting, hoping I'll divulge the secret on the world wide web -- the name is still being announced on the day of her birth.  I promise, this post was not meant to be a teaser (I know I have family members who read this).  We have stuck to our game plan, and I'm sorry if you feel I am merely toying with you.  However, I cannot keep silent over such a huge decision!  Ryan and I spent a few weeks towards the end of the 1st trimester discussing options, making a list, crossing names off, and adding new names.  Then we spent the entire 2nd trimester, and the beginning of the 3rd trimester not discussing it AT.ALL.  Month literally have gone by without a peep about it.  I'm sure we both thought about it (I know I did!), but I just couldn't bring myself to voice it outloud.  This one decision has made this all seem real.  Too real, maybe.  It was almost easier to not have a name.  It was almost like having that 1 defense around our heart.  Truthfully, the defense was pointless.  If, God forbid, she were born early, we would have had to pick a name right then and there.  Not having a name picked out really did nothing from a reality stand point, but from an emotional and mental stand point it made sense at the time.  Ryan has only really started interacting with my huge belly and baby girl more regularly in the last few weeks.  I think on some levels it's even been hard for me to make that extra connection with her (or the idea of her) that came so easily and so naturally with Logan.  The truth is, we are bereaved, nervous terrified parents.  Being pregnant has been exciting and such a blessing, an answered prayer, a desire nearly fulfilled, but it has been a very rough ride, even a living hell on some days.  Nothing and no one can prepare you for the highs and very low lows of being pregnant after a loss.  Nothing.

Baby Girl now has a name.  She has the making of her earthly identity.  Ryan officially announced it to her last night and again this morning.  It was adorable.  One of those moments you freeze in time.  He may never know how special that splitting second was.  But when she's older, it's something I'll definitely tell her - "Daddy told you your name before anyone else."

We can't wait to meet our daughter.  We are more excited now than we've been the entire time.  We are nervous.  We wonder day and night if we're ready, if we'll make good parents, what she'll look like, we'll she like us!?!  Most of all, we are excited.  We can't wait for those first few precious moments when it's just us.  Those moments when all the hustle and bustle of the hospital staff around us is nothing more than background music to this surrealness that is now our little family.  Ryan cannot wait to hold her up for our family to see and announce the name that she will forever be known as.  Just over 6 weeks left...

And just to make the teasing less of a sting....this made me giggle and I wonder if my daughter had this expression in the womb when her daddy mummbled her name through my belly walls...