Tomorrow is nearly here - the day we commence in 2 celebrations, one for each of our children in heaven and on earth. Is there another word other than "bittersweet" to describe what my heart feels? No word would ever truly seem fitting or descriptive enough, because unless you've ever walked even a minute in my shoes, I could never give you an accurate picture.
We will start the day off by coming together as a family to honor and celebrate my first born, my son, Logan. My sweet angel, our little hero - born too soon, fought so hard, and left 2 tiny imprints in the largest part of our hearts and lives. The March of Dimes, March for Babies walk is tomorrow. This is the 2nd year our family team - Logan's Hope - will be participating. I'm excited not only to walk tomorrow for the cause, but also to have my family joining me. Both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and Ryan and I will all be wearing our blue t-shirts, telling the world that we are keeping Logan's fighting spirit alive. My son was incredible. We only got 25 short weeks with him in the womb and then another 11 days in the NICU. Time is a fleeting thing, but the love that was nurtured, the bonds that were built, the hope, strength, and courage that was found in those tiny fingers, those tiny feet, and the most beautiful face I've ever seen -- no one could measure that. Ryan and I have a stronger marriage, a better friendship, a brave love than we had before -- for each other, for our friends and family, and for our children. There are days my arms physicially ache, my chest feels as if it will explode because I cannot see my son or hold him. But everyday I feel him around. I feel my heart expanding. I feeling overwhelmed that I was chosen at all to be his mother. It was hard to see the blessings through the pain in the beginning. There are days of doubt and confusion. There are days and moments of intense longing. But Logan was and always will be a true blessing. His tiny angel wings are touching our lives everyday in the smallest and biggest ways. I hope tomorrow he sees how far we have come, that he knows how loved and missed he is, and that he is happy -- wherever his wings are taking him.
Late in the afternoon is our baby shower! We will be having quite the party all for Baby Girl. My sister-in-law has been working feverishly and has the most adorable projects to show for it. I'm excited for my house to be transformed into a pink induced owl forest. She really has outdone herself (from what I've already seen)! She takes party planning to the next level, and I am blessed to have her as a sister and a friend. I'm also excited that my family will be here for that too. They haven't been able to spend much time with my in my pregnant state, and now that I'm noticeably pregnant, it seems so real. We are celebrating the coming of change, the welcoming of a new joy, a redefinition of the life and dreams we once had. This baby girl has no idea just how much of impact she's already made on the heart and lives of those around her. Everyone is already smitten with her and ready to spoil her rotten!
The weeks leading up to this day have been hectic full of planning, house projects and remodeling, nesting, organizing, and cleaning. Ryan and I are beyond tired (especially Ryan) but are proud of the progress we've made. It is always with a bittersweet core that can do the things we do, but we are happy and excited to have tomorrow. We are excited to be able to dedicate a day to both our children in heaven and on earth. Logan made us a mother and father, baby girl will make us mommy and daddy. We truly are blesssed.
:: Logan, my sweet boy, I hope you are flying high and free tomorrow. I hope you will walk with us. I hope you know how cherished and loved you are. We are coming together as a family to celebrate you. You are and forever will be my baby boy. You are my first born, the core of my mothers heart. I love you, endlessly, and I hope that tomorrow you will be proud of the stand we are making, the hope we are keeping alive. You are my reason to be better, to be stronger, to find courage. You have brought me and your daddy so much closer. You have made us better people, better parents, braver. Tomorrow we celebrate you first, my love. Without you, we wouldn't be the people we are now and the parents we hope to be to your baby sister. Sending all my love your way! xoxo - Mommy::
:: Baby Girl, my new joy. You are growing like a weed (and so is my waist). I am thankful for that. In a few short weeks we will be able to meet face to face. Until then, I hope you find every beat of my heart full of love for you. I hope you're resting, growing, and thriving in peace. Tomorrow we will celebrate you too. There will be lots of pictures and lots of gifts...just for you. And when you are here, everyone will shower you not just with gifts (although I'm sure there will still be lots), but with endless kisses and hugs. I love you, baby girl...so much already! xoxo- Mommy::
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