Virtual Coffee Date Monday?

It's been a while since our last virtual coffee date.  We should do them weekly, shouldn't we!?!  Will Monday's work for you?  Pencil it in.  I need these...I need you.

If we were having a coffee date...

I'd tell you that today I've cried more tears than I can count.  I have a pounding heache as proof (or consequence).

I'd tell you that I am sad for many reasons.

I'd tell you that my weekend was not fun, or relaxing.  Em was so incredibly cranky and it wore me thin.  I spent the two days caring for her practically by myself.  Ryan's widsom teeth are bothering him too.  Two teething babies - one being a man-baby (sorry, babe, it's ture) - means one wore out mommy mentally and emotionally.

I'd tell you that Ryan and I are fighting.  Or had a fight.  I don't know if we're still fighting.  I'm still mad.  I'm mostly hurt.

I'd tell you that I love Ryan, but today, I could really use an hour or so alone, completely by myself.  A girl can dream, right!?

I miss my happy hubby and my happy baby...

I'd tell you that I miss Logan.  The past few weeks have been daunting underneath the surface.  We celebrated his birthday with pumpkin carving and a balloon release.  We also visited his grave, Ryan and I, and just sat and talked.  The week to follow left me feeling a little raw.  It flew by, as all the days do lately, and it didn't really hit me again until the day before his angelversary.  Ryan and I decided early on that we would celebrate Logan's birthday only but not really put much emphasis on the day he died.  We want to always celebrate and shed positivity on Logan and his short life with our family and future children.  That doesn't mean it doesn't affect me.  My dreams have been haunted, reliving details up to that moment.  I miss him...I've never missed anything or anyone so much.

I'd tell you that the holidays are approaching too fast.  I love this time of year, but truthfully, I can't keep up and I'm afraid all my stressing and fretting will cause me to miss the most important moments.

I'd tell you that I left the house so upset this morning that completely forgot my coffee.  I could use it right about now.

I'd tell you that I'm still losing weight, and thankfully I'm only 3.5 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight; but I still feel frumpy.  My body is not what it used to be.  My clothes are worn and fit weird.  My hair is mess all it's own.  I feel washed up and outdated.  Welcome to motherhood, right?

I'd tell you that there's so much to say, so many other things that are plaguing my heart and mind...but instead, I'd ask if we can just sip our coffee (or tea, whatever you fancy) in silence.  Better yet, I'd ask you about your life.  What's going on with you?  I could use the distraction....and the smile.

Until our next coffee date....Hopefully next week I have more happiness tell you about.